GameStop Trade In Comedy Skit

EXT. GAMESTOP – DAY

For about five seconds, we see the storefront of the Gamestop, setting the…setting.

INT. GAMESTOP – COUNTER 

Our shot starts centered on the gamestop Clerk, standing behind the counter.  We hear a door open and a jingle-bell ring.  The Clerk turns to the left, to our 2 customers who are still off-screen.

CLERK
Welcome to Gamestop…where new games are born and old games go to die.
Can I help you kill something today?
JEN and FRIEND walk onto the screen from the left, and stop in front of the counter.  FRIEND is holding a bag of used games in her hand, but the camera should be so high that you can’t see the bag yet.

JEN
Yeah…actually, we were hoping to pick up the new Nerdy Fantasy 35.  Because I prefer watching movies that are 80 hours long.

CLERK
Awesome!  Nerdy Fantasy is my favorite series because it never ends, no matter how bad it gets.
And I really like the hero, because he’s a cold and unfeeling jerk.
Anyways, if you buy it today, you get a unique costume for Yuni, the main girl.  It’s a red bikini with a thong…

FRIEND (Girl)
Yeah…we’re not as interested in that as you are, buddy.

JEN (laughs)

CLERK
No no no…See, the bikini top makes her the best character because she whips it off and throws it like a ninja star.  It hits all the enemies on screen with a 50% chance to faint. And it’s so shocking that it actually deals lightning damage.

JEN
That’s about as enticing as a flan’s farts.
So how much is the game?  I have fifty dollars, which I saved up by pouring lattes at Starbucks over the last seven months.  And I don’t even work there.

CLERK
Nerdy Fantasy 35, new, is… $89.99.  $89.79 used.

JEN
Holy flaming chocobos!

FRIEND
Chill yo’ chocobos, girl.  We still have these old games to trade in.

FRIEND hefts the bag of used games up, bringing it on-screen, then plops it down on the desk with a bang.  It is very full and heavy.

CLERK
Let’s see what you’ve got here…  *Searches through bag.*  Ooh! Super Plumber World 2!  That game is so fun that I actually ran through a sewer on my vacation, just to see the real thing.
It’s too bad the game remotes don’t have a smell emitter.  It would really add authenticity.  “Whee, jumping down pipes is fun!!  …Hey, is that poop?”
FRIEND
Uh…yeah.  So it’s a masterpiece.  And I bought it last year for 70 dollars.  I know trade-in values are bad, but I figure that one’s worth at least 15…

CLERK
One dollar fifty.

FRIEND
Are you kidding me?  Mushrooms are $1.29 a piece.  Do you know how many mushrooms are in this game?!  There’s at least 10 on every level.

CLERK
Sorry, I don’t like mushrooms.  That’s why I always jump on them.

FRIEND
*sigh* I guess the trade-in value I want is in another castle.

JEN
What about Unnecessarily Gory Combat 10?  We just bought that for $50.  It’s practically brand new.  I only played it for an hour…because Lizard’s Fatality was so gruesome that I threw up.  On my controller.

FRIEND
Yeah!  Then the controller vibrated and splattered it everywhere! Well, mostly on the cat.  But it was awesome.  It was a…*deep voice*   BARFTALITY.

CLERK
Barftality!  That’s a great idea!  They should put that in!  “FINISH HIM!!!”  ….BLEGHHH!!!!!!

FRIEND
*fake* Yeaaahhhh! That would be so cooool!  So…trade-in value??

CLERK
Unfortunately the PTA froze sales of the game so we can’t even accept returns on it right now.  It is basically as worthless as the block button.

FRIEND
LAMETALITY.

JEN
Okay…time for our 3rd round.  There are ten Playstation 3 games and a console in there.  Now, I know you guys don’t normally take old systems, but maybe you can make an exception…

CLERK
No, we still take Playstation 3 stuff.

FRIEND
Cool!

CLERK
…but they’re so old that their trade-in value is actually negative.  You will need to pay us 315 dollars to take these games from you.  Alternatively, you could trade in 10 PS4 games to make up the money that you lost.

JEN
What?! That’s ridiculous!  You know as well as I do that there are only 9 PS4 games worth buying!
*rubs her head*
Look…there’s got to be some way for me to get Nerdy Fantasy 35.  I’ve got fifty bucks here.  That’s half of it.

CLERK
*calmly*  Well, we accept used Kidneys for $40 store credit.

JEN
Hmmm. That’s not a bad deal.  Where’s the kidneys at again?

CLERK
*points to under his ribcage*

JEN
Okay.  *suddenly turns to Friend* Raggghhhhh!!

JEN grabs at the side of FRIEND’s stomach and tears at it like she is ripping out a kidney.  FRIEND screams.  Change shot to counter.  FRIEND is off screen screaming.  JEN plops down a bloody kidney onto the counter.

JEN
There!  A Kidney!!!  Is that good enough?  I just killed my friend over this, and I don’t even get experience points!  So, GIVE ME THE ‘BOCO-RIDIN’ GAME!!!

CLERK
*Scoops up kidney, puts it away, then hands game over happily.*  Here you go.  You will really like this one.  They worked hard to make the graphics the only good part of the game.

JEN
Ooooh yay!!!!!  *snatches the game quickly*

CLERK
Oh, and check this receipt for the code for the Attack Bikini.  It starts with OMGWTH. *hands receipt*
Jen walks off Camera to left, leaving store.  Door slams, bell jingles.  Camera zooms out to reveal FRIEND laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, dead, with a big red bloody stain over her kidney and a painful expression.  The shot stays like this for a few seconds.  Then FRIEND suddenly turns her face over to the camera with big eyes and says in a deep voice, as the words also appear in  big red letters on the screen:

TRADETALITY

 

The end.